Thinking about coming out sober? Below are THREE pros and THREE cons of telling the world you are sober. It can be a hard choice to make and there are so many different ways to do it, none of which are the wrong, or right. There are sober people who shout it from the rooftops! They publicly, openly announce their previous issues with drinking and their new found way of life and sobriety. Others, like myself, take years to finally come out, and others are private and never come out publicly.
THE EARLY YEARS….
I was hired at a new job when I was in rehab and had roughly 90 days sober. I thought it was a good idea to NOT COME OUT SOBER or mention I was in rehab. It was the right choice to not mention it. I was there for five years, worked hard, and worked my way to VP of Real Estate Development. I was sober the entire time but didn’t mention it to my employer. We rarely had outside of work events, and rarely spoke of our personal lives. The vibe of the office was cordial, and friendly, but not overly personal which worked out perfectly for me while dealing with sobriety in the early months and years. I was able to keep my head down and work.
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THEN IT ALL CHANGED…
The job was perfect for me at the time. It allowed me to get back to the career I loved with the security of a large and stable company behind me. I had some sobriety under my belt, and decided to take a leap of faith and go out on my own and become self employed once again.
Being self employed means I am the face of my business, and that means being public and no longer keeping my head down and working. I had to sell myself. Gulp.
I did my first interview on a radio show, and I kind of accidentally came out sober. Once I started talking, the words kept flowing out. After the show, I was offered my own radio show. I was on cloud 9!
Relief consumed me. I can vividly remember how I felt afterwards. It was like I was in a dream that I never wanted to wake from. It felt like a weight had been lifted off me, like I had dropped a huge rock I had been carrying. This was only the beginning. The feedback I received was incredibly positive and came flooding in. I didn’t expect it, and honestly I didn’t really care, I just knew I needed to be real, come out sober, and show the real me which was a SOBER BUSINESS WOMAN.
THE PROS OF COMING OUT SOBER
- Helping Others This is at the top of my list for a reason. The sole purpose for sharing something so personal is because I feel I have a duty to help others like I was helped. There were others that walked the path before me and held out their hand to help. When I got sober I didn’t know anyone that had been sober except for my Grandfather that had passed away. I knew he didn’t drink and I knew he went to a 12 Step Group for help, and that’s exactly what I did when I knew it was time to stop. Had I know someone that was alive and sober, I would have gone to them first, and probably sooner. I share my journey so others can relate and be helped from my story and my journey.
- Freedom There is nothing like the feeling of having nothing to hide. I find happiness in the freedom that I have. My past doesn’t define me and I no longer have to be ashamed of what I have done because I no longer do those things. This definitely took some time for me feel this way and completely own my sobriety. Once I no longer wanted to hide my sobriety and became proud of myself, everything changed. I got sober, cleaned up my past, apologized for wrongs done, and can walk in freedom with my head held high.
- Not Being Offered a Drink In the early days and months of my sobriety I would get offered drinks often. Old friends would call and text asking if I wanted to hang out at the same places I drank at. A lot of the time, I would go and just not drink. I didn’t always tell the full truth about my recovery, so I would get asked over and over if I wanted a drink. I would politely decline and eventually I stopped going to those places. I make it obvious I don’t drink and people don’t ask or pressure me.
THE CONS OF COMING OUT SOBER
- The Judgement: While most will praise you for being sober, there will be some that don’t understand and don’t think it’s something honorable. To them, addiction and recovery is shameful and they will negatively judge you. The positivity outweighs the negativity for me. Your work may not understand and it could put your credibility in jeopardy. I was working with a large franchise overseas where recovery was not mainstream like it is in the US. My partners asked that I remove everything from the internet that mentioned my sobriety (which I declined).
- Being Vulnerable When you come out sober, it will put you in a place of vulnerability and will be seen as a weakness. Just like sharks might look at it like blood in the water, some people will it as an opportunity to criticize or put you down. Early on, I dated this idiot that would tell me “You’re just going to relapse and drink again”. Of course, I proved him wrong, however it was hard being so vulnerable and feeling like I had a target on me.
- Being Excluded Overtime, the invitations slowed down. I would still get invited places, but not nearly as often. Friends would just assume I didn’t want to go, or didn’t want me to go all together since I wouldn’t be drinking. This will happen when you come out sober. Again, not everyone understands your recovery and not everyone will like it either.
Overall….
What worked for me was waiting until I had some time in sobriety before I came out sober. Whatever you choose to do, is a personal choice and you need to do what feels right for YOU. Being open and public about my recovery feels great.
If you have a story about coming out sober, drop a comment and tell us!
Thanks for reading!
xoxo
Lisa H
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